Being Too Busy Can Hurt Your Career -

Being Too Busy Can Hurt Your Career -We all remember George Costanza of Seinfelds strategy for avoiding work When you look annoyed all the time, people think that youre busy.He imparteed this advice to his friends shortly after receiving a aufsteigen, but leidlage being any busier with work as a result. While many might often wish life could imitate art in this way, if you look annoyed and busy all the time at work, youre probably more likely to stay right in the job you have rather than earn a cushy promotion and be able to get away with doing less for more money and a nicer title. Why? Simple it probably appears you cant handle a promotion.Promotions Mean More ResponsibilityIt might be self-explanatory that a promotion brings more responsibility with it, but what does that mean for how people are considered for promotions? For one, it means that managers and supervisors who make promotion decisions are looking for people who already handle their current responsibilities well. And by handling them well, I dont mean getting them done and done well, I mean getting them done, done well, and doing it without complaining, showing high levels of stress, or requiring a lot of extra support from coworkers.Of course, there will always be times that people are stressed out, or need help or answers from coworkers, but if this is the constant state in which you are operating at work, its leidlage helping your career. You might think that volunteering for every project that comes along, or always offering to be the one who steps up to fill a role is making you stand out to your anfhreres, but it might actually be backfiring.When you take on too much, its quite possible that your regular work responsibilities are suffering. Even if your regular responsibilities arent suffering, your attitude might be. If youre in an office where your boss sees you every day and knows that youre stressed out by your current amount of responsibility, you will be less likely to be high on the ir list of people who can take on more responsibility.But how can you keep from looking or feeling overwhelmed by whats on your plate? Here are some brief tips for balancing your responsibilities, ambitions, and keeping your cool? Be honest. Dont complain, but have a professional conversation with your boss and frame it in the context of your work not being the quality the company deservesnot that you are feeling bad and tired and stressed.? Offer alternative solutions to a boss or colleague. If they ask you to take on a new project, suggest a way they could make it easier on themselves, or ask if you could speak with them about it at a later time when you have a little less on your plate.? Ask your boss or a colleague how much time they either spend themselves or expect that people are putting into certain projects. If your time commitment is way off the mark, ask for advice on how to adjust how you are completing the project or task.? If youre always offering to take the lead on p rojects, step back when you feel overwhelmed and offer to be the secondary rolle on a project, helping where needed but not taking on a new full load of work.Attitude Matters in PromotionsIf youve worked in an office, youve had that coworker. You know the onethe one you were afraid to interrupt to ask a question of, even if it was urgent, because they always seemed to have SO MUCH going on. You do not want to be that person.Being approachable is so important in an office setting. It isnt important only for clients, but also for your coworkers and your boss. People need to know youre a team player and that you can and will work toward the common goal of success for the company or organization you work for.However, to be approachable and to show that youre part of the team, you might have to step back from your overachieving, extra busy style to maintain an approachable attitude and the ability to actually take on more work.Take on work, volunteer for projects, but know your limits. K now how to triage projectsleave room to take on projects that a supervisor asks you to do by politely telling coworkers you cant help them out on every single minor project they ask you to help with. Understand that unexpected requests are going to pop up every day, interrupting your schedule and the work you planned to get done that day. Staying late every single night doesnt make you a hero, it makes you look like you cant handle your workload and get your work done during the day. Of course, certain high-intensity industries (think corporate law, political campaigns, etc.) might be the exception, but in general, you need to show that you can manage your time and handle requests that come out of the blue if you want to move up the ladder.And, if you do get interrupted and your work gets thrown off track, you have to keep your attitude in check. Acting stressed out or annoyed doesnt do you any favors. It might showcase how busy you are, but it doesnt speak well of your ability to h andle the higher stress and increased managerial responsibilities that often come with moving up the company ladder.If you want to be promoted and oversee other employees at a company, you need to show that you can handle stress and difficult situations maturely, professionally, and without losing your cool. Acting annoyed or even just frazzled does not help establish you as a professional who can handle managerial responsibilities.If youre wondering, how can I possibly not show stress at work? Here are some tips for keeping your attitude professional and calm? Focus. Forbes offers several recommendations, but focusing on just one thing at a time is a big one here. Get the important work out of the way, then you wont have it weighing on your mind anymore when people ask you questions or ask you to jump in on a new project.? Pause before responding. If a colleague comes up to you and asks for help, but youre swamped, dont just immediately reply with the first thought that comes to mi nd. Take a breath, reframe your thoughts, and reply politely. Id love to help, but I need to finish this in the next hour sounds a lot better than, No, Im busy.? Show some stress Just do it professionally. Dont whine, dont complain, dont snap at colleagues instead, as mentioned in the above section, have courteous, productive conversations about how you can alter your workload.? Be professional, but not rude. If you get interrupted, you dont have to have a big grin on your face, but you should never be the huffy person who visibly rolls their eyes. Take a deep breath, and then be cordial while youre being honest.? It might sound easier said than done, but stay positive. Instead of thinking to yourself Im never going to finish this project, think Only 5 more pages to type. Then, if the phone rings or a colleague comes into your cubicle, you wont already be in a negative mindset and ready to snap at them. Instead, youll be a more positive person who seems approachable.But I AM BusyGr eat That means your boss trusts you and wants to give you more work and more responsibilities. But be honest with your boss and yourself. This doesnt mean complain when you get too much work, it means stay professional and remember that if youre not doing your best work youre not helping the company. If a deadline seems way too rushed, ask if it can be pushed back if you are going to struggle to meet it.How else can you ease some of your stress?? Ask if you can push a deadline back on another project to make time for a more urgent project.? Ask if you can bring in a coworker with a different skill set to help you complete a project by a deadline.? Ask questions in generaldont take a general project, then have to spend hours figuring out what is needed.? Dont volunteer for additional projects until those that have been assigned to you are under control.Taking on too much is more harmful to your career than it is helpful.ConclusionWe all get stressed out and busy at work. We all have to put in extra hours, coming early or staying late, answering emails on the weekend, or taking calls at night. Thats just part of being a successful professional. But when it gets in your way is when you visibly show that it is getting to you, or, you seem to be the only one in the office who is staying late, coming in early, or having to take care of emails all weekend. If youre the boss or in a high-level position, thats not unusual, but if youre not, you might be putting your career in jeopardy by being the stressed out, annoyed type. It might have worked for George Costanza, but it probably wont work for you.Are you tired of your resume being rejected by applicant tracking systems? I know how frustrating it is to submit your resume and receive no response. I hate seeing qualified people never breakthrough the sichtung process. It shouldnt be that way. Thats why I created this guide and I encourage you to download the FREE PDF so you can start seeing better resume response rates

5 Tips for Resume Hurdles

5 Tips for Resume HurdlesPosted on neunter monat des jahres 4, 2014May 24, 2019 by Trista Winnie Are you avoiding putting together your resume because of what you binnensee as a potential hurdle? Hiring managers and recruiters can spot resume issues from a mile away, so you might as well think about your best approach. Below are five of the most common resume hurdles, with tips on how to address them.Job hopping on resumeIf your job history includes numerous stints such as 10 months here, a year there, and 6 months elsewhere, you may get branded as a job hopper. Given the amount of time and money it takes to find and train new employees, employers want to hire people who will stick aroundwhich could mean your application lands in the no pile.Be direct about your reason for leaving each job. While you can obviously expand on the details in your deckblatt letter or resume, you might consider listing the circumstances on your resume itself. Dont say anything negative about previous empl oyers stick to the facts, and present them concisely. Laid off as a result of budget cuts or failed startup folded in 2011, for example.Covering up the employment gemeinsame agrarpolitikIf you are unemployed, or if you have an unemployment gap of months or years on your resume, you might be viewed less favorably by employers. Many employers believe that a workers skills deteriorate during periods of unemployment, or that someone without a job will take any job, then leave when a better opportunity comes along. Whether or elend that bears out, it is a fact that most employers tend to hire people without employment gaps over those who are, or have been, unemployed.If you have been out of the workforce for more than six months, or have a fairly recent time in your work history when you were, it can be worth addressing on your resume. Keep your explanation brief, and dont apologize or come across as negative or defensive. Provided elder care for a family member during illness, for examp le. You could also use an alternate resume format, such as a functional or combination resume, rather than the traditional chronological format. These put the focus on skills and accomplishments rather than a timeline. Keep in mind, however, that elend all hiring managers like resumes that stray at all from the typical chronological format.Above all, if you find yourself in the midst of a long period of unemployment, take steps to show that you are keeping your skills current. Seek out volunteer opportunities, attend industry events in your area, or start a blog related to your field. Experience doesnt have to be paid to be valuable.Missing resume skillsMany job listings these days include a wide range of desired technical skills. Writers may be expected to have experience with video production, receptionists are often asked to know content management systems, and more. If you are applying to jobs and not hearing back, one issue may be that your resume does not include enough of the technical skills sought by employers. Entering your resume and a job description that interests you into Jobscans resume tool can give you a sense of whether your skills are a match for the job.Dont let yourself be intimidated by job listings including skills you dont yet have. You can learn the basics of many software programs quickly using online tutorials from YouTube, Skillshare, or Lynda.com. Even if you just learn how to use pivot tables in Excel, you will find yourself ahead of many applicants.If you want to apply for a certain job before you have had the time to learn a new skill, spend some space on your resume going into detail about what you already know, and your efforts to continue learning. Use keywords specific to the job you are applying for. I have even seen an applicant list on their resume specific Excel functions they can perform.You can also focus on selling the value of the skills you do have in your cover letter. You could even consider putting together an on line portfolio to show off your abilities, and include the link to the portfolio along with the contact information on your resume.No degreeThere are countless reasons for starting a degree program and not seeing it through to completion. But if you are applying for a position that lists a bachelors degree as a requirement, you may be at a disadvantage. What can you do to combat this? For starters, list the school you attended, and the dates when you attended, on your resume. Follow it up with a one-sentence explanation for why you did not finish. Be matter-of-fact rather than apologetic, and do not give a sob story.Next, focus on the experience section of your resume. You may have more applicable, relevant experience than others applying for the job. In order to stand out, you should not just list your previous dutiesbe sure to include details about specific things you accomplished in each role. When formatting your resume, be sure that your experience section comes ahead of your e ducation section. In your education section, be sure to include any training or professional development you have done. You can even list conferences, seminars, and relevant self-directed study.Do you have digital dirt?Online presencePart of a successful job search is cultivating a consistent personal brand. Most employers will do an online search to see what turns up for applicants they are interested in. If you perform a search for yourself and arent pleased with the resultsin other words, if you have some digital dirtyou can use two different methods to improve your online image.Spend some time going over the privacy settings of all your social media accounts. Untag yourself from inappropriate photographs and social media postings, such as those involving drinking, drugs, and discriminatory or disparaging comments. If you have digital dirt that you cannot delete, or that others cannot or will not delete when you request it, then your best option is to bury it.To do so, you need t o become more active in a professional context online. Use Twitter, LinkedIn, and blogs to post and comment on content relevant to your field. You can even leave book reviews on Amazon.com. Not only will these entries push negative ones down, but they will allow you to replace the negative stories with ones that demonstrate your devotion to your field. New entries do not always show up at the top of search results, so you will need to make positive posts consistently over time. Listing your LinkedIn profile and Twitter handle with yourcontact information on your resume is one way to draw attention to your positive contributions.Facebook Commentswpdevar_comment_1 span,wpdevar_comment_1 iframewidth100% important

Synchronys 2018 Working Mother of the Year

Synchronys 2018 Working Mother of the Year Below is an article originally written by PowerToFly Partner Synchrony. Go to Synchronys page on PowerToFly to see their open positions and learn more.In 2018, Synchrony welches once again awarded a place on the Working Mother 100 Best Companies list Were honored to receive this award for fostering an inclusive environment that is women and parent-friendly through ur benefits, flexible work arrangements, and supervision programs. This year, our Working Mother of the Year is Tia, who is an employee that demonstrates our company values every day by being a great parent and great worker. Read on to learn how Tia has been able to overcome personal and professional obstacles to achieve her ambitions with Synchrony.Tia is no stranger to hard work. As a single mother of 4 children, she had her first child in high school at the age of 16 and was living on her own by the age of 17. After graduating high school, on time and with honors, she attempted to work full-time, go to college full-time and raise a child on her own becoming drained and burned out. Understandably, something had to give, so her schooling took the backburner while establishing her career. After a while, she became comfortable with her career progression and didnt feel the need to go back to school, until it was time for her son to go to high school. She was determined to show him (and the rest of her children) that no matter what, you need to keep going Ultimately, she was proud to complete her degree in May 2015, prior to her son graduating from high school in May 2016. She is now working on her Masters Degree (utilizing the Synchrony tuition reimbursement program), her son is going into his 3rd year of college, and she is raising a current high school Junior, a 5th and a 6th grader.Tia consistently strives to outperform, overdeliver, take risks and build trust. She is a firm believer that no matter how hard she thinks things are, there is always someone ou t there who has it harder and who has made it further. She also takes pride in serving as a mentor for peers, team members, friends, associates, teens, and adolescents from next career moves to relationship advice to financial guidance. She says that the greatest part of being a mentor is having the ability to help someone accomplish what they are seeking, with trust built through transparent and candid conversations. She is currently the President for our Synchrony Toastmasters Club, and continuously encourages other colleagues to join to enhance their leadership, communication and speaking skills.Were glad to have this working mom as part of our Synchrony family One of the biggest challenges in almost all industries today is achieving gender parity. Gender diversity provides huge benefits in the workplace. pWhile some industries have made significant advancements in gender diversity, some industries lag further behind... and the constr uction industry is well-known for being in the latter category. If someone says, construction workers, youll likely picture a group of men in yellow hard hats analyzing an architects plans or laying bricks on top of a scaffold. And men at work signs only help to reinforce this image.pThis stereotype is rooted in reality. When was the last time you actually spotted a woman on a construction site? Or hired a female plumber or carpenter? Your answer is most likely never. In fact, the Bureau of Labor Statisticsreports that only 3.4% of the total of 8.3 million construction employees are women.pBut the construction industry has a lot more to offer than steel-toed boots and hard hats, and it needs women to help advance the industry in this era of rapid change. Here are 5 reasons why women joining the workforce or looking to make a pivot should consider a career in construction.h21. Fuel Innovation/h2pNot only is diversity the socially and morally right thing to do, but it is also actually an excellent business strategy. pResearch presented in the Harvard Business Reviewshows that diverse teams develop more innovative ideas. This is further supported by a study conducted by Gallupon the performance of gender-diverse teams versus single-gender teams, which found that the difference in backgrounds and perspectives led to better business performance and problem-solving. h22. Capitalize on Demand/h2pThe construction industry is currently experiencing a labor shortage. The industry itself is booming and projected to be one of the fastest-growing industries, with total spending projected to exceed $1.45 trillion in 2023/a. However, most construction companies are unable to meet the rising demand. pAccording to the Associated General Contractors of America/a, more than 80% of contractors are experiencing difficulties filling hourly craft positions that represent the bulk of the construction workforce.pAnd demand isnt limited to individual contributor roles. Given the indust ry boom, there are a number of open stable and high-paying roles (any project managers out there?) waiting for the right candidateh23. Leadership Opportunities/h2pAccording to the Bureau of Labor Statistics/a, women compose only 7.7% of the total 1 million managerial positions in construction.br/pBut given the highly collaborative nature of construction work, more women in leadership roles would help drive innovation and enhance productivity.Furthermore, as a woman in construction in a leadership position, youd have the unique opportunity to drive change for the industry and make it a more attractive option for other women.h24. High-Income Potential/h2pSalaries for many skilled positions in construction are on the rise, making a construction career a prime choice for women looking for a high-paying job,pThe 2018 Construction Craft Salary Surveyconducted by the National Center for Construction Education and Research revealed that salaries for many skilled craft areas are increasing. Project managers and project supervisors topped the list at $92,523 and $88,355, respectively. The next set of highest-paying jobs include those of combo welders ($71,067), instrumentierung technicians ($70,080), pipe welders ($69,222), power line workers ($68,262) and industrial electricians ($67,269). Of the 32 categories of workers in the survey, 19 positions earned an average salary of $60,000 or higher.h25. Sense of accomplishment/h2p The construction industry can give employees a unique sense of achievement. Yes, the job is stressful and the work can be demanding, but nothing beats the feeling of being able to build something from the ground up. pHow many professionals in other industries can point at a school, a hospital, or a skyscraper and say I helped build that?pThe construction industry has a long way to go in combating gender bias and supporting women in the workforce, but given the current demand for workers, theres no better time to pick up a sledgehammer (figurative or literal) and smash the gender stereotypes plaguing the construction industry.

5 Lessons from the DARPA Robotics Challenge

5 Lessons from the DARPA Robotics Challenge 5 Lessons from the DARPA Robotics Challenge 5 Lessons from the DARPA Robotics ChallengeThe Fukushima disaster in Japan in 2011, which created a toxic environment too dangerous for human responders to enter, inspired the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency to create the DARPA Robotics Challenge (DRC), with the goal of developing semi-autonomous ground robots for complex tasks in dangerous conditions. According to DARPA, useable technologies that result from the DRC will hopefully lead to the development of robots featuring task-level autonomy that can operate in the hazardous, degraded conditions common in disaster zones.The 2015 DRC finals, held in Pomona, CA, involved 24 kollektivs from around the globe. The objective was to maneuver their own highly specialized robots through eight autonomous and semi-autonomous mobility and manipulation tasks to demonstrate their ability to operate in uncontrolled and unpredictable situations. A jo int team from Worcester Polytechnic Institute and Carnegie Mellon University (WPI-CMU) made up of faculty, engineers, and students, placed seventh. Its six-foot-tall menschenhnlich Atlas robot named WARNER was made by Boston Dynamics.Mike Gennert, director of WPIs Robotics program, and WARNER (WPIs Atlas Robot for Nonconventional Emergency Response). ruf WPIWARNER successfully completed seven of eight tasks on each day of the competition, which included driving a vehicle, opening a door, using power tools, and turning a valve. The team scored 14 out of 16 possible points over the two-day event. It suffered a program design error and an arm hardware failure that caused two attempts at the drill/cutting task to fail. However, WPI-CMU was the only team that attempted all tasks, did not require physical human intervention (a reset), and did not fall during any of the missions.What They LearnedThe Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers published a paper written by WPI-CMU team members called No Falls, No Resets Reliable Humanoid Behavior in the DARPA Robotics Challenge. They describe their approach to the DRC and their strategy for avoiding failures that required physical human intervention, and lessons learned. Five major takeaways includeWalk with your entire body. All teams in the challenge failed to use aspects of the physical space to help their robots move, such as stair railings, or putting a hand on the wall to help cross rough terrain. Even drunk people are smart enough to use nearby supports, they write. Why didnt our robots do this? We avoided contacts and the resultant structural changes. More contacts make tasks mechanically easier, but algorithmically mora complicated.Design robots to survive failure and recover. The authors advise that robustness to falls (avoiding damage) and fall recovery (getting back up) need to be designed in from the start, not retro-fitted to a completed humanoid design. The Atlas robot was too top heavy and its arm s too weak to reliably get up from a fall. The team has since been exploring inflatable robot designs as one approach to fall-tolerant robots.The most cost-effective research area to improve robot performance is human-robot interaction.Developing ways to avoid and survive operator errors is crucial for real-world robotics. Interfaces must be designed to help eliminate errors, reduce the effect of errors, and speed the recovery or implement undo operations when errors happen. Interfaces need to be idiot-proof and require no typing, have no check boxes, and minimize the number of options for the operator, writes the team.Be ready for the worst case. In the second day of competition, the team lost the DARPA-provided communications between the operators and the robot in a full communication zone for at least six minutes, which counted against the teams time. Our lesson here, they state, is that for real robustness, we should have planned for conditions worse than expected. We could have easily programmed behaviors to be initiated autonomously if communications unexpectedly failed.The field of humanoid robots is flawed.In situations where the researchers did not control the test, most humanoid robots, even older and well-tested designs, performed poorly and often fell. It is clear that our field needs to put much more emphasis on building reliable systems, relative to simulations and theoretical results, writes the team. We need to understand why our current hardware and software approaches are so unreliable.High-Value ExperienceAccording to Mike Gennert, director of WPIs Robotics Program, the greatest experience for the team was learning how hard it is to design and operate humanoid robots. WPI team members had no previous experience with humanoid robots and, although most of the techniques were not quite cutting edge, they were advanced. That meant extensive testing to ensure that the overall system would perform, says Gennert. We also learned a lot about the cha llenging problems that remain, such as balance and stability, robust and adaptive control, integrating perception and manipulation, and the need for better sensors, especially haptics.The team is still working with its Atlas robot.About 30 students are involved in 12 different projects, including learning for walking, footstep placement, two-handed coordination, and getting up from falls.This project gave us experience with very advanced robotic hardware and software, adds Gennert. We continue to use them in our teaching and research.Our students who have graduated have gone on to great jobs and graduate schools, in no small part due to what they learned in the competition. I could not be more proud of this team and what it has accomplished.Mark Crawford is an independent writer.Our students who have graduated have gone on to great jobs and graduate schools, in no small part due to what they learned in the competition.Mike Gennert, WPIs Robotics Program

10 signs that youre a toxic boss

10 signs that youre a toxic anfhrer10 signs that youre a toxic bossYou might be committed to your company and you might think youre an ethical employer, but just because you genuinely care about your work and your staff doesnt mean that you always lead that staff in the best possible way.According to asurveycommissioned by Lynn Taylor Consulting, employees waste 19.2 hours a weekworrying about what their bosses say or do- 13 of which occur during workweek and 6.2 of which consume theirweekends.If you want your employees focusing on their work instead of worrying about you, its important to recognize when youre being atoxic boss. Here are 10 signs.You dont engage with your employeesA toxic boss doesnt spend time establishing rapport with those they manage. Gaining trust is crucial for your employees to feel comfortable voicing bothcareer goalsand concerns with you.You dont giveconstructive criticismStudies show that women are less likely to receivevaluable feedbackon annual performan ce reviews than men. Be sure that youre giving all of your employees clear, constructive feedback likewise, set expectations and measurable goals.You micro manageIf youre too overbearing, your staff wont be able to accomplish anything efficiently. Remember that its not always necessary to know the play-by-play of every meeting, email exchange and phone call, so long as your employees are getting their work done on time and theyre doing well.You dont respect privacyIf theres an issue you need to discuss with an employee, its best to secure a private conference room or closed office space to have the conversation. Its demoralizing, humiliating and unfair to have these talks in front of colleagues or via email chains with multiple staff members CCed. Moreover, its unprofessional on your behalf.You rank your staffOffering performance incentives is a smart way to keep employees motivated and boost workplace morale. But ranking team members based on their performances in comparison to one anotherturns colleagues into competitors, and itll turn your office into a breading ground for systemic gender biases.You dont give credit where credit is dueAcknowledging work well done is oftentimes just as important as acknowledging room for improvement. By touting an employees efforts, youre encouraging them to continue theirhard workin that way.You dont welcomefeedbackShakespeare once said something along the lines of, A good boss thinks her or himself to be wise, but a wise boss knows her or himself to be a fool.Well, notquitelike that. Your employees are working at the forefront of your company - theyre on the ground, handling your clients, engaging with one another they may have insight into areas from which youre a little more detached. It could be wise to hear them out.You dont lead by exampleA leader is someone who influences the behaviors, attitudes and thoughts of others - a leaderleads. And the best way to cultivate a company culture thats trusting, progressive and productive is by leading by example.You dont value employees time offVacation time is a benefit and one that is it critical to the health, morale and productivity of your staff. Despite any inclinations toemail or phone employees while theyre off the clock, their time off is to be respected. Moreover, it should be encouraged.You dont offer support or warranted sponsorshipsWomen, in particular,struggle to gain the support of authority figures- especially if they work under male bosses, who are evermore weary of engaging one-on-one with them assexual harassmentclaims sweep the nation. Theyve fewer sponsors in their careers for that reason. That said, at some point,allemployees will need support. A good boss will manage their teams a great boss will not only manage, but theyll also challenge, support and sponsor (when warranted).This article originally appeared on Fairygodboss.

How to Say Not to Someone Who Wants to Reconnect - The Muse

How to Say Not to Someone Who Wants to Reconnect - The MuseHow to Say Not to Someone Who Wants to Reconnect People from your past pop up all the time. Whetherbei theyre former colleagues, people you met at networking events, or even acquaintances from your college years, old contacts may surprise you by reaching out to reconnect. This kind of gesture can often be exciting and flattering- though, sometimes, thats not the case. Every now and then, you might receive an invitation to coffee from someone whose presence you havent exactly missed. Think that one-sided relationship that left you feeling used and underappreciated. And if youre worried that old flame will come back to burn you, there are smart ways to remove yourself from the situation before it becomes a problem. Relationships shouldnt be a one-way street. If youve had one thats historically felt that way, then its understandable that you might not jump at the opportunity to be BFFs when that partie reaches out again randomly . Before you really shut it down, as well as prevent future relationships like this from popping up again, it can be helpful to take a step back first. Try to stand in that persons shoes and understand where he or she is coming from. Sometimes, whats happening can be the result of simple miscommunication. Each time you do this person a favor, dont say, Let me know if you ever need anything else unless you actually mean it. Saving face with courtesy comments like these might actually be giving this person the green light to do exactly what youre hoping to avoid. And if youre not careful, youll turn yourself into a walking doormat just by trying to seem polite.I reached out to confidence coach and Muse writer Steve Errey to get his take on this sensitive issue. When you know a relationship is one-sided, and that saying yes will drain, frustrate, or perhaps even damage you, you have every right to make a choice that serves you well, he says. Dont fall into the trap of thinking that tur ning him down makes you a bad person or a selfish one it doesnt.And theres absolutely no harm in being more deliberate with how you use your time in ways that are meaningful for you. Theres a huge difference between being generous with your time and attention where its appropriate and being a bottomless pit or a people-pleaser, Errey explains. If youre worried about going down that slippery slope again with an old contact, youre completely justified in shutting down the situation before it even starts. And to do so, you have two options Be honest or deflect.Be HonestBe straightforward about your position if you cant help at the moment, if you feel this person always asks too much of you, or if you think he doesnt return the favor. Of course, its also important to recognize that at the end of the day, a relationship isnt a transaction either. Know the difference between expecting reimbursement and feeling used. And if youre sure that this person has always been self-serving from the start, then it could be helpful to just let him know where you stand. This sort of conversation might be best face-to-face, and your overall message can be simple To be honest, our last few interactions didnt sit quite right with me. I love to help out whenever I can, and I appreciate you keeping me updated every now and then- but Im worried thats all our relationship is turning into.It may be hard for him to hear, but it could clear things up in your relationship or, if anything, how he treats people in general. Knowing where youre at will help this person realize that you may not be the best avenue for achieving his goals. And as an added plus, if he values your relationship on top of that (but just has a bad way of showing it), youre also providing insight as to how the situation could be improved.Or DeflectYou dont have to go into all the dirty details if you dont want to. Sometimes, the best way to save face might be to leave whats buried be- and exit gracefully while you still can. According to Errey, Other people have the right to ask for something they need, just as you have the right to say no. This doesnt have to be a big dramatic moment of two clashing sides.If youre simply not confrontational, or you believe your life is just fine with the people currently in it, its OK if you dont want to rock the boat. Stopping this person in her tracks doesnt have to be a huge deal. Errey recommends using simple bite-sized phrases to get your message across without doing too much explaining. It can be as simple as letting her know that nows not the best time for you to get back in touch. Im so sorry, that wont work for me right now or Thanks so much asking, but Im going to have to decline will do the trick just fine. Saying no to someone can be hard, even if its the best thing you could be doing for yourself. Just the idea of looking cold or uncooperative might push you to say yes, but do your best to stand your ground.Trying to make everyone think wonderful th oughts about you will drive you crazy, and its all about the pursuit of external validation in order to feel good or worthy, Errey says. So make a decision thats based on the fact that youre already worthy and already good enough.If a self-serving contact from your past is trying to reconnect, ask yourself what about your behaviors might have encouraged her to want to rekindle that one-sided relationship. How you handle the situation ultimately is how you communicate to that person- as well as yourself- about whether or not you will tolerate that behavior. Photo of person on phone courtesy of lzf/Getty Images.

This is why you have such crazy dreams when you take Nyquil

This is why you have such crazy dreams when you take NyquilThis is why you have such crazy dreams when you take NyquilWhenever you come down with a pesky cold or a case of the flu, you probably reach for a familiar bottle in your medicine cabinet when it comes time to try and sleep off your sickness. Yep, were talking about Vicks NyQuil - and honestly a lot of the brands sibling products.Notoriously known asa knockoutpotion, NyQuil doses your body with acetaminophen (a pain reliever and fever reducer), dextromethorphan hydrobromide (a cough suppressant) and doxylamine succinate (a powerful antihistamine) all in one. It can help relieve your most uncomfortable symptoms quickly and allow your body to get the rest it needs to restore its healthy status, but it can also give you some pretty wild dreams. Like, dancing with talking unicorns and falling to your doom in the center of a volcano, dreams.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Produ ctivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreWhy is that exactly?Well, most experts blame it on the doxylamine succinate. Antihistamines are known for their drowsy side effects, helping you fall asleep and stay asleep, but they can also create some interesting interactions once youve drifted off to dreamland.Antihistamines block the production of histamine, a certain kind of neurotransmitter, in your brain. (Makes sense, right?) Its responsible for regulating your appetite, your body temperature, inflammation and - you guessed it - your sleep-wake cycle. Anddoxylamine specifically blocks the neurotransmitter acetylcholine, which triggersrapid eye movement (REM) sleepand, therefore, is in charge of your dream state.So what happens is your NyQuil dose puts off REM sleep longer than your normal sleep cycle typically does and then, as the medicine wears off, your brain experiences a rush of acetylcholine, creating a quick rebound of REM sleep in an attempt to make up for lost time . And its that quick shift that leads to all of your bizarre (and often terrifying) dreams.Its also worth noting that NyQuil isnt the only company that uses doxylamine succinate in cold and flu medicines, so if youre not ready to experience the wild adventures that your imagination has in store for you while on the mend, maybe read those ingredient labels and skip this bad boy.This article originally appeared on Swirled.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people